Next week, millions of Americans will fill out brackets for the annual NCAA basketball tournament, commonly referred to as March Madness. Over the years, the tournament has shown that it is more than deserving of this moniker with huge upsets and Cinderella stories making the games of March Madness an absurd viewing experience. On top of that, the well-known drop in productivity that happens every year during the tournament has undoubtedly induced delirium in more than one boss across the country. However, this year’s Madness is going to be just a little bit crazier for the average fan as the billionaire philanthropist and bridge enthusiast Warren Buffett has offered $1,000,000,000 to anyone who successfully fills out a perfect NCAA bracket.
While this offer may seem like a publicity stunt put on by an eccentric billionaire, it is actually a pretty sound investment for the world’s fourth-richest man. The idea for the “Billion Dollar Bracket” was thought up by the marketing team at Quicken Loans, which has decided to take a brief respite from its reckless and predatory lending tactics to become involved with this promotion. But while the contest was Quicken’s idea, the company will not be shelling out $1 billion of its own money should someone miraculously fill out a perfect bracket. This is where Buffett comes in. Quicken has paid Buffett’s holding company, Berkshire Hathaway, a fraction of the payout (it has been rumored this amount is $10 million) to insure this promotion. Essentially, Buffett is taking a billion-dollar bet at 10:1 odds that no one will correctly guess the winners of every game. Based on the absurdly slim probability of actually doing this, it seems like Buffett is making a safe bet. According to Quicken, the odds of someone successfully filling out a perfect bracket are one in 9,223,372,036,854,775,808, though a DePaul math professor gives slightly better odds at only one in 128,000,000,000 to anyone with basic knowledge of college basketball. For those unfamiliar with statistics, this means that Buffett isn’t going to have to pay anyone $1 billion.
Buffett is essentially making a cool $10 million due to this ploy, and Quicken Loans is also making out like a bandit. For the (relatively) small cost of $10 million, Quicken will be gaining access to the names and email addresses of every person who signs up for the bracket challenge. This information will undoubtedly be used in future marketing campaigns by Quicken, and the cynic in me is sure the information will be sold off to the highest bidder as soon as the company is through with it. Quicken is getting far more time in the public spotlight than it has any right to. Would anyone in America not trying to refinance a mortgage give a damn about Quicken Loans if not for its bracket challenge? The answer to that is more than likely a no (I offer a sincere apology to any reader who cares about Quicken Loans).
This got me thinking. If Warren Buffett and Quicken Loans are getting all this attention from their Billion Dollar Bracket Challenge, maybe if I had my own bracket challenge, I too could get this same level of exposure. So, in an act of hubris, I am using the pages of today’s Herald to put forth my own bracket challenge to the public: “Nate’s Neat Bracket Challenge.” Anyone who correctly guesses the winner of all 63 games in the upcoming NCAA tournament will receive a six-pack of Narragansett Light and a $20 gift certificate to Kabob and Curry. Additionally, any winner of my challenge can request that I attend Kabob and Curry with them (though I won’t be paying, so you’ll have to use the gift certificate on my meal). If no one fills out a perfect bracket, the individual with the least imperfect bracket will receive a high five.
My one piece of advice for those thinking about participating in Nate’s Neat Bracket Challenge is to be like Han Solo. Never let anyone tell you the odds. Just like when Han was piloting the Millennium Falcon through the Hoth asteroid field following the rebels’ crushing defeat at the Battle of Hoth, don’t let any golden-headed twerp (whether it be C-3PO or me) tell you what you can and cannot accomplish. Though to be fair, Han’s odds of successfully navigating that asteroid field (3,720 to 1) were much better than the odds of you actually winning my challenge. Regardless, I wish all of you the best of luck in filling out your brackets. I really want one of you to win. I’ve been craving Kabob and Curry and can’t bring myself to go there alone.
Bracket submissions can be emailed along with your name, Banner ID, Social Security number, mother’s maiden name and a valid credit card number to definitelynotaphishingscam@gmail.com.
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